Lost respect for military after husband's infidelity

By kmod on Mon, 01-02-12, 09:37

Posted in Group:

Military Family

I had been a very proud military spouse. When we first married he was active duty but then switched to the national guard. The longest separation we had before our current one was 2 months. We have been married 5 years and have a 7 month son, he had to go to training out of state for 4 months and while away had a 6 week affair with a fellow Army classmate 16 years his junior. I know that some of the other married guys knew about it and knew that he had a wife and baby at home but instead of saying something to discourage him they were almost jealous. He had always told me stories about how many military guys cheated while away, but I guess I was naive in thinking that our marriage was different. We really did have a very good marriage (he agrees). One of my problems I am having now is tht I am holding a major grudge against the military...a community that I used to be very proud to be a part of. Every time I see a home coming on the t.v. My immediate thought is 'how many of them were screwing around on their wives while gone'.
Logically, I know that this was an issue with my husband and the 22 year old child straight out of west point....but I just can't help but hold it against them all. Has any one else ever experienced this? Being a proud supportive military wife was such a huge part of my happiness, and now with that gone I feel a little lost (on top of dealing with the actual infidelity)

on a side note...military one source has been amazing. For anyone who doesn't know, they offer 12 free counseling sessions per issue. So we are currently getting not only marriage counseling, but individual as well. Thank God for them.

Login or register to post comments
0 Support

By marcie on Mon, 01-02-12, 22:31

Men will be men, with uniform or without uniform and no one is forcing anyone to cheat, it is their own decision. Unfortunately, they do not think that there will be consequences and people will be hurt. This is not an easy situation, it will take time to heal and to regain trust. Have faith and do your best. Wishing you all well. God bless you.

Support Points: 38250

Badges

Offline

By MarieKitty on Thu, 02-02-12, 17:34

Oh wow... I'm right there with you. My husband left for A school in august and cheated on me in november. They let these unhappy, tired and homesick people go out and get trashed and they sleep with each other. I had to find out in the WORST way. He's home now and whats to work on things. He says he doesn't remember anything from that night with her. But it kills me everyday to have to pretend I'm ok and happy with our marriage. Ive have Always loved and supported my husband and he killed us. We have a 18 month old daughter as well. If he didn't want it to happen...why couldn't he say no. He thew his life away in one second. And you know what kills me... they school hands out condoms. Its like they are asking them to cheat. They are making ok as long as its safe. So we are now I'm the process of trying to mend this.. and I'm not doing well. I wake up everyday so traumatized with pain. I would do anything to forget what happened. But right now i can't. Its so hard to look at him the same way.

Support Points: 10

Badges

Offline

By kmod on Thu, 02-02-12, 18:08

Well, an update to my situation. He left me and our son and moved out of state to be with the girl....so I am filing for divorce. Really use military one source to get into marriage counseling. If he won't agree, see it as a huge warning sign. He is going to have many deployments ahead and you need to work with a counselor to see if this is something that YOU can get over. It is a gift to him if you want to reconcile, doesn't matter what he tells you now...trust your instict if this was really a one off. A website called survivinginfidelity.com has been extremely helpful to me. Check it out...there is even a section in the 'i can relate' forum for mil spouses. Good luck! I was only with my husband for 6 years (all reserve time) I found out after the fact that every deployment he was on while active duty, he was unfaithful to whoever he was with...including his first wife.

Support Points: 180

Badges

Offline

The information provided on SupportGroups.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information and interaction provided on this site is solely for informational and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of medicine. Information on this site does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of SupportGroups.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, application of medication or any other action which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.