After the Military

By letsstartover on Mon, 01-02-12, 01:40

Posted in Group:

Military Family

My husband has been out of the army for six months now. He's absolutely not adjusting well. He was going to use his GI benefits, but after one semester of community college, he dropped out because it wasn't for him. I thought maybe a tech school would be more his kind of thing, but he just informed me that he is not going to school, and doesn't want to go to school. He just hates life right now, and I don't understand. We had a very hard time while he was in the army. I was depressed because I was away from family, and he just seemed to hate everything about the army. I didn't force him to choose to get out of the army, but that is the way it seems. I mean he hated it. He was threatened with article 15s every other week. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't say that he hated it. Now, I just feel extremely guilty for being so miserable, and not giving it my all so that he could stay in the army. He reminds me every day that he gave up his career for me, and I am pretty sure that he will never be happy and will always resent me for it. I just don't know how we are going to survive now in our relationship or financially. We have been living with family ever since he got out to save money and move to a city of his choosing for school, and he's hated every minute of not having his own place. I graduate with my bachelors in 2 months, but I feel that doesn't guarantee me a good job, because I have little experience. I thought that he was planning to go to school, and I know I have put pressure on him to decide, but now he doesn't want to do anything at all. He refuses to get a mediocre job, but says college isn't for him. I understand that it has to be hard to choose another career after you'd already decided, but I don't know how to make him see that he can't dwell on it now. It's no longer an option. If it were, I would let him join again even though I would hate the deployments. I know most of you will say to give him time, but I don't know if it will help. He HATED the army, but now he HATES civilian life. I just feel so guilty every time he complains about his life.

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By marcie on Mon, 01-02-12, 21:56

The only thing that I can say is that pressuring him to do this and that will not solve the problem. You need to have an honest and serious conversation about his outlook on life, in general. He is just lost at this time. Give him support and understanding. It is very hard, have patience, he will recover. Wishing you the best. God bless both of you.

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By letsstartover on Mon, 01-02-12, 23:38

Thank you,marcie. I know it's not what I wanted to hear, but I know that I needed to. I guess I just don't know how to support and understand him anymore. I thought that I used to be really good at it, but really now just hearing him talk about this stuff just frustrates and scares me because I don't know how I am going to take care of our family on my own. I listen to him, but I really have nothing to say because he hates if I sugarcoating anything. I can't be like "It's gunna be tough for a while, but it will all work out" or something like that because he just thinks it's bullshit. I have supported him with every decision he made. He decided to go to a tech school instead and I said, "Hey, that's awesome because then you won't hate what you're doing." He decided that he didn't want to go to school at all for a while and I was all for that too, but then he would have to get a job, because at this point I can't take care of us on my own. So my question is how do I support the unsupportable? He wants answers and solution, but my plans are never good enough.

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